Jobsinsouthwest.co.uk

Have you agreed to talking to a new employer over a spot of lunch?

This can be a potential minefield, or a nightmare waiting to happen.

The job interview is a time when you try to put forward your best side. You've got enough to think about, without trying your best to avoid getting pasta sauce all over your posh gear.

Also, are you clued up enough on table manners, so you don't offend your future boss? Read the hints on impressing over the salad dressing right here.

Ever stuck for something good to say?

You know those times when you wish you had something sharp and witty to say to the office wise-guy or clever clogs?

Well let the Jobs in South West blog give you some guidance here (although if you get your face slapped, or sent to a tribunal it's not our fault, OK?)

If you're co-workers don't find these funny, perhaps you're in the wrong job. In which case, you need to be visiting www.jobsinplymouth.co.uk or www.jobsincornwall.co.uk to find a new one.

Geddit?

What to say to someone after they've made a rubbish comment:
"Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view."

Addressing an irritating office junior:
"I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid."

Explaining your abruptness in meetings:
"I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant."

Explaining your dreaminess in meetings:
"You sound reasonable: Time to up my medication."

Justifying your morning moods:
"I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter."

Explaining your existence to workplace visitors:
"I don't work here. I'm a consultant."

Explaining your existence to your co-workers:
"It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at a cellular level I'm really quite busy."

On setting deadlines:
"How about never? Is never good for you?"

Reading between the lines in job applications

We all try to present our best side when we're writing to a potential employer.

Those bosses have to sift the wheat from the chaff - and they get used to seeing the same old phrases that seem to mean something different to what the author intended.

Here's our jokey translations of common phrases that find themselves into job application letters.

And the moral of the story is...don't pack your job application letter with untruths and exaggeration. Unless you want to work for the News of the World, that is!

What jobseekers say: I'm extremely adept at all manner of office organization.
What they mean: I've used Microsoft Office.

What they say: I'm honest, hard-working, and dependable.
What they mean: I pilfer office supplies.

What they say: My pertinent work experience includes...
What they mean: I hope you don't ask me about all the McJobs I've had.

What they say: I take pride in my work.
What they mean: I blame others for my mistakes.

What they say: I'm personable
What they mean: I give lots of unsolicited personal advice to co-workers.

What they say: I'm extremely professional.
What they mean: I carry a PDA

What they say: I'm adaptable
What they mean: I've changed jobs a lot.

What they say: I'm always on the go.
What they mean: I'm never at my desk.

What they say: I'm highly motivated to succeed
What they mean: The minute I find a better job, I'm outta here.

Seriously though, find some sincere assistance for writing your perfect job application letter right here.