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Jobs forecast gloomy for 2008...but the good news always comes from Jobs in Plymouth

This year is not looking good for the jobs market, according to the predictors.They say that a global downturn spells bad news for jobseekers as firms look to trim personnel. See the full story by clicking here.

But it's not all bad. Just a month ago, other 'authorities' were saying that unemployment was the lowest for three decades. See that full story here.                   

It's hard to pick the truth from the naysayers, so stick with Jobs In South West and we'll pick the wheat from the chaff in 2008, to bring you targeted jobs and career news and funnies straight to your inbox.

10 working ways to lose that extra Christmas pudding

You may need to lose a couple of pounds after all the festive fun you'll be having later this month.

If you do the sort of job where you get no exercise, here are some fun tips for burning those calories while you work.

Of course, you can exercise your mouse-clicking fingers on our websites Jobs In Plymouth and Jobs In Cornwall if you want to give yourself a new job for Christmas.

1. Jumping to conclusions

2. Climbing the walls.

3. Making mountains out of molehills.

4. Balancing the books.

5. Throwing your weight around.

6. Running around in circles.

7. Bending over backwards.

8. Wading through the paperwork.

9. Pushing your luck.

10. Beating around the bush.

Things to avoid, if you want to keep your job

Do you ever get the urge to do something really silly at work for no apparent reason?

We found a list that was originally called 'How to Have Fun During the Working Day.'

Of course, we at Jobs In South West are not going to encourage you to jeopardise your current position, even if it means that you may come to us for a new job (having lost your previous one for attempting a few of these stunts):

1. Set the photocopy machine to 99 copies, 200% and extra dark.

2. Reply to everything (especially a request from your boss) with "That's what YOU think"

3. Practice making fax and modem noises. This works particularly well in business meetings, especially when you and your colleagues are trying to impress new clients.

4. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and copy them to your boss.

5. Google a picture of a hippopotamus, print it out and frame it. Then leave it on your boss's desk with a note attached that reads: "That's your wife, that is."

DISCLAIMER: Just because we said it, doesn't mean we mean it.

One law for them, another for you

There are certain bosses that really take the Michael.

They pull employees up on things that they do themselves. The difference is that when they do these things, they excuse themselves by using positive phrases.

If the list below rings alarm bells with you, you've probably had enough. If that's the case, come to Jobs in South West and we'll sort you out with some better job ideas.

When you take a long time, you're slow.
When it's the boss, it's because they are being thorough.

When you don't do something, you're lazy.
When it's the boss, they're too busy.

When you make a mistake, you must be an idiot.
When it's the boss, they're only human.

When you make a stand, you're being pig-headed.
When the boss does the same thing, they're being firm.

When you do something without being told, you're overstepping your authority.
When the boss does the same thing, they're using their initiative.

Have you agreed to talking to a new employer over a spot of lunch?

This can be a potential minefield, or a nightmare waiting to happen.

The job interview is a time when you try to put forward your best side. You've got enough to think about, without trying your best to avoid getting pasta sauce all over your posh gear.

Also, are you clued up enough on table manners, so you don't offend your future boss? Read the hints on impressing over the salad dressing right here.

Ever stuck for something good to say?

You know those times when you wish you had something sharp and witty to say to the office wise-guy or clever clogs?

Well let the Jobs in South West blog give you some guidance here (although if you get your face slapped, or sent to a tribunal it's not our fault, OK?)

If you're co-workers don't find these funny, perhaps you're in the wrong job. In which case, you need to be visiting www.jobsinplymouth.co.uk or www.jobsincornwall.co.uk to find a new one.

Geddit?

What to say to someone after they've made a rubbish comment:
"Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view."

Addressing an irritating office junior:
"I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid."

Explaining your abruptness in meetings:
"I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant."

Explaining your dreaminess in meetings:
"You sound reasonable: Time to up my medication."

Justifying your morning moods:
"I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter."

Explaining your existence to workplace visitors:
"I don't work here. I'm a consultant."

Explaining your existence to your co-workers:
"It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at a cellular level I'm really quite busy."

On setting deadlines:
"How about never? Is never good for you?"

Reading between the lines in job applications

We all try to present our best side when we're writing to a potential employer.

Those bosses have to sift the wheat from the chaff - and they get used to seeing the same old phrases that seem to mean something different to what the author intended.

Here's our jokey translations of common phrases that find themselves into job application letters.

And the moral of the story is...don't pack your job application letter with untruths and exaggeration. Unless you want to work for the News of the World, that is!

What jobseekers say: I'm extremely adept at all manner of office organization.
What they mean: I've used Microsoft Office.

What they say: I'm honest, hard-working, and dependable.
What they mean: I pilfer office supplies.

What they say: My pertinent work experience includes...
What they mean: I hope you don't ask me about all the McJobs I've had.

What they say: I take pride in my work.
What they mean: I blame others for my mistakes.

What they say: I'm personable
What they mean: I give lots of unsolicited personal advice to co-workers.

What they say: I'm extremely professional.
What they mean: I carry a PDA

What they say: I'm adaptable
What they mean: I've changed jobs a lot.

What they say: I'm always on the go.
What they mean: I'm never at my desk.

What they say: I'm highly motivated to succeed
What they mean: The minute I find a better job, I'm outta here.

Seriously though, find some sincere assistance for writing your perfect job application letter right here.

Blogger applies for Albert Hall events job

Our man Oliver Davies continues in his quest to apply for 100 jobs for which he has little qualification.

His latest application was for the post Director of Events at the world-famous Albert Hall.

He said: "Being a very cultural sort, I felt this was right up my street...the job description called for 'the creativity to identify and develop opportunities for new programming ideas'."

Those new ideas were aimed at promoting the Albert Hall to the 'common man', as opposed to opera and classical music buffs.

"Hence, for starters, I have proposed Celebrity Mud Wrestling, Opera Karaoke (with a pitcher of beer and free curry thrown in for the price) and spicing things up a bit by luring the Adult Video News awards away from Las Vegas.

"I'm certain that when they read my glittering and bold vision, they'll soon be whisking me down to London to start planning their event calendar."

See Oliver's blog here

Helpful interview hints

One of the most frequently asked interview questions is "why did you leave your last job?"

Now this might worry you, but we at Jobs In South West feel say that honesty is the best policy.

Some job experts recommend beating the interviewer to it by volunteering the information before the question is even asked. This may allow you to move on quicker from the subject.

Brevity and honesty is the key to focus on when dealing with this subject, they say.

To deflect the negativity of the situation, you could offer a lesson that you learned from the experience or how the circumstances benefited you as a worker.

Read more about this tricky situation online here.

Got skills? Bosses want to hear from you

Sir Alan Jones, managing director of Toyota UK and chairman of the Skills Council for Science, Engineering, Manufacturing and Technology, called for improvements in the way training and education was delivered to meet the demands of employers, in the wake of worries expressed by a Plymouth boss.

Dr Graham Stirling, managing director of the Barden Corporation and chairman of Plymouth Enginuity said: "We employ more than 13,000 people in engineering in Plymouth, making it one of the largest employment opportunities in the South West.

"Although many of our members undertake extensive training programmes with their employees, we still need more skilled people in the industry."